At an Office Lunch table…

My friend and I were talking over a cup of coffee at our office cafeteria; we were observing a group of colleagues of the adjacent table gossiping about their boss.

Although we couldn't hear them conspicuously, it was evident from their facial expressions and neck positions that they were gossiping. Suddenly, a thought struck me, “Have you observed a trend in topics which people discuss at a lunch table?” She said “Bingo, absolutely...”   And we went on and on about typical scene at a Lunch table in Office

To make our discussion more structured for our readers, I thought I would categorize it based different types of groups.  It is quite amusing to observe the table selection, style of eating and volume level

For each group

A group of fresher boys

This set of group is still in the “College Katta” type of a mood. They generally find a spot in the cafeteria where they can activate their visual radar to scan all the new girls coming to the floor. The moment they see a girl they will start teasing each other and rating the girls out of 10. This group is in a major hurry to finish off their food and then get on to play Table tennis, Pool, Foosball etc. type of games. Mind you they will put in extra efforts and interject loudly and swear often so that they get the attention from the girls.

A group of fresher girls

This gang is the MOST WANTED in the entire company! They are sweet, stylish, giggly, and somewhat nervous but cool at the same time! They provide for a huge amount of eye candy for the male employees. They are not very specific on selection of the lunch table because they already know they will make all the heads turn wherever they go!

Their general topic of discussion over lunch is the party they attended last weekend, or talking about whom among the fresher guys is the smartest or making guesses about who likes whom from the mixed fresher group, or who-is-the-next-in-line to get married or just making random weekend plans…

This group is always the most enthusiastic one to participate in any company event because they know they will get the maximum attention there.

A mixed group of freshers

This type of group exists generally since most of them are from the same college.  They are relatively subdued than the “fresher guys” group however they are still very noisy. The squealing of the girls and laughing of guys creates a pandemonium.  They generally take the centre table. If there are good looking girls in the group there will be triumphant look on the face of the guys in the group.  However the guys in this group are very conscious with respect to the jokes they crack since they are afraid they will feel embarrassed. If there is one couple in the group, then generally they will be the one who get maximum attention and they usually are the decision makers.

A group of married men

This is group of midlife crisis struck people; hence they really don’t care where they sit in the cafeteria. These people will generally start their lunch discussions with some complaining about bosses and clients and all the technical crap. Slowly as lunch progresses the topics change to stock markets, politics and cricket. Typical examples are Rahul Gandhi’s interview or How Indian cricket team is performing badly abroad.  After this one of them will start planning about playing cricket or badminton on the weekend. Every single of them pitches in and expresses an emphatic affirmation .However we are absolutely sure that not a single person is going to turn up to play on the weekend.

Although the hair has turned grey, the hearts are still green. They will slowly start sliding to topics which sprouts double meaning jokes. Ultimately, men will be men they will come down to the topic of female beauty and vital statistics. This group will discuss about the WHOLE WORLD during lunch, but they will never discuss a word about their own WIVES.

A group of married women

BEWARE!! This set of group is the most feared of in the entire company! It usually will comprise of all the newly married (1 or 2 years) or the “seasoned” married ladies. The discussion topics, however, are applicable to all within the group. It can range from how a particular recipe was made, to the husbands who do not give time, or the flattery of their respective kids, or how the maid doesn't cook or the flat 50% sale, or mother in laws or ANYTHING that comes under the blue sky!! If you are a part of this group for lunch, DO NOT be scandalized if there are sudden emotional breakdowns or random usage of swear words towards the mother-in-law or husband. You just got be patient and affirmative…

They generally have a pre-decided place and anybody DARE NOT sit there!

Another “privilege “to be a part of this group at lunch is- you get to know every little happening in the company. The latest couple, the soon-to-be-married couple, who went out with whom for lunch/tea, who looks good/ugly, who has a good/bad dressing sense… You know it ALL!!

A group of work-a-holics 

One can identify this group from a distance. They don’t care how they look… They come to office poorly dressed with unshaven faces and misaligned spectacles ... If it is a girl, then she will wear the clothes with dullest colors in the world and footwear which will make an ugly noise like a lame horse trotting.  A majority of them are nerds and would by default have a competitive streak in them! Even if an Aishwarya Rai or a Katrina Kaif comes in front of them, they will NOT GIVE A DAMN. They will usually have a smug and strict look on their face.

Eating, for them, is just another process. These people will be the last ones to get up and come for lunch. The maximum time they spend on eating is 15 mins!! They will continue their project discussions at the table using some strange 3 letter acronyms...

Their ideal way of spending a weekend? Well… Is Working!

                                                                                                          

-Surabhi &  Sagar (joloon)